My 2nd Post: Change, how will you handle it?

Right… So, I was just talking to a friend on the phone about change. Who was the friend?! Well, in fact, 2 friends I have spoken to in 2 days about change: 1 male, 1 female.

The male would love it if I mentioned his name but I won’t because he’s a top toff c^*+ who can’t beat me up anyway.

The female is so hipster she’s beyond needing recognition so this not-so understated sentence shall suffice.

[I also choose to respect their anonymity because i’m basically a doctor and I think its status quo that I value their privacy; nonetheless, I’ll share a little to spice up the story like the sort of GP you’d defo invite over to your #sopretsoirée… He’s had glass of red its getting juicy by the snack bar type ;)]


Exhibit 1 — The Pink Elephant

To keep in theme with my previous post, if you read it (please read it *_*), you will know its always best never to start at the beginning. Therefore, to begin, the second of the pair is moving house sometime between this moment, now, and the very distant future. We are on the phone and she is telling me about her anxiety over the move ETC… (I deliberately capitalised ETC because JUSThttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFEV8GAklp4) it was difficult not to let my mind wander and drift back into the moments when she was using her mouth in more imaginative, blissful ways (#madtongueskills) but, I am a good friend so I steer my thoughts back to being an attentive ear.

I said all the usual cliché quotes like, “change is change you know don’t fret over the little things…” bla de bla de bla (that’s fun to say) but you know there’s that pink elephant in the room begging to blow that fat old trunk and say things like:

“THIS IS A HUUUUGE DECISION”

“YOU CRAZY MOTHER£$%&?! YOU GOT IT SWEET”

“Who’s going to do your washing now..?”

“This could be the biggest mistake of your life”

“look in the mirror, this change is your fault…”

*DISCLAIMER* None of the above apply to the person a part from maybe the third one, from what I gathered on the phone, and definitely the last one

Alas, they’re all applicable to all of us. Sometimes change is just pretty awful, especially the type you don’t want to happen; i.e. break ups — *HANDS DOWN* wins The Biggest Douché award for change, perhaps closely ran by death but I mean who wants to invite death to the party I’m not even going to type it a third time…

*BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE*


Impromptu poem in the middle of this, ‘cos change happens…

Sometimes, it comes out of the blue…

And its all because of you…

You’re a useless prick!

Worse than a candle without a wick!

But it can’t end this way…

Live to die another day,

that’s what they say,

so some of us pray

and others will just lay, lay, & lay…

wishing it will all go aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaway! (stupid thing Medium won’t let me put a space, this is what you get when you commit with no grace period — surpises, meh.)

But it won’t

and it don’t,

So… how should we deal with this dilemma?

I guess its best to go to the stem-Ma?

You could ask your mum I suppose…

Or put something up your nose til your mind blows — and pops out

*an idea*

perhaps, it could be solved with some likes of your pout, or

*by having no fear*

I’m sure that’s what your Mumma would say:

“Son/daughter,

We’re all lambs for the slaughter,

so have no fear,

of whats coming far… Or near,

For sometimes in life, we must roll the dice

play the blind mice,

and hope it turns out nice…”

If not, it will just be extra spice in your ever diversifying dish,

You don’t always catch when you fish…

But you’ve got to keep fishing ‘cos if not you’ll starve —

and there’s nothing more boring than a Marv-in gayE with

nothing

to

say.


Once again, I deliberately capitalised the ‘e’ on Gaye there because you wouldn’t really be living if you had no Episodes. I know #sopret. Your life would just be GAY without them… What effed-up anecdotes you going to share, or have experience of, to help your children? Or their children? Or their children’s children? There’s no wisdom in a life fearful of mistakes — which i guess has become synonymous with change. They are not! Don’t let your life be:

l

o

n

g

*DISCLAIMER THE II* I don’t mean to sound derogatory towards actual Gays because sexual pleasure is sexual pleasure… get it how you want/need it… I just mean really LAME (but who’s famous with a name that would have worked instead there?) like the sort of lame Gay the Gays wouldn’t even want to associate with… I just googled: ‘famous gay people’ and this was the first link: http://www.queerattitude.com/society/famous.php couldn’t even find a really lame gay person so well done gay people you’re cool. Think i’m out of this hole. I mean, grave. I mean, potentially offensive field. It’s impossible its like you gays come over here and monopolised all my words taking my benefits or something…

[will have to write a post on sexuality, race, & religion, that will be exciting… Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zk5Il6KQrd8]


Exhibit 2 — change does not = mistake

No doubt, sometimes it is wholly representative of one but we’re not talking red wine and fish here. And even then you can mould that mistake if you’re pairing a Burgundian Pinot Noir with a tuna roll OR SOMETHING GEEZAAAA! (realised i’ve spoken a lot about gay people then started spieling on wine, jeez… I googled it, like any respectable man would, because I wanted to use it for the comparison:http://www.starchefs.com/wine/features/html/red_wine_and_fish/html/index.shtml; http://www.winemag.com/May-2010/Wine-101-Pairing-Red-Wine-with-Fish/)

Back to the subject, i’ll talk wining and dining in another post, how do I bring this back to something relevant… Real… hmmm… Yea:

My mate, the first one, he did well at uni; got the 2:1 like a big man but BAM! The real world hit him and he had no job for months… A change with no mistake but he still felt pretty shitty on his doll money having a mid-midlife crisis the c^*+ buying a bloody convertible… Who does that?!

Anyway, he got an amazing internship working as David Cameron’s personal bum boy deep inside his cabinet office somewhere where no-one really knew him and he got to send loads of letters (i didn’t get one hence the foul language aimed in his general direction). Nonetheless, awesome and fantastic experience. 4 weeks later… Change kicked up again and he was back to square one.

The point is, a part from him being a twat, he’s kind of ridden the wave of change fairly well. You just have to let it flow and remember that no matter what happened yesterday, or is happening today, tomorrow is where anythinghappens. And by anything, I mean everything… So, unless your name is Atlas,let that weight go!


But never forget

THE most important thing about change is remembering what it is, what it does and, therefore, how to handle it. It is always best and never a bad thing to be thankful — so, if one door closes be sure to give it a good wave goodbye before you welcome the next one with open arms.

(Flowers, alcohol, and food = the holy trinity of thankfulness.)

I don’t really know what else to say without going OTT on the preach-mobile…

WE all suffer change everyday, even if it means its because you don’t have a direct route home, or the driver in front is really slow, or the one behind too fast, or your socks don’t match so you need to swap, or you have too much change in your wallet/purse and you’re trying to count out the pennies for your meal deal during lunchtime rush hour in tesco, or your crew for the last 3/4 years is now not going to be localised within a 5 mile radius but will extend from Plymouth to Birmingham like a tangled controller wire or something… Its kind of heartbreaking. Change will always sometimes be that way…


But how will you handle it mother£$%&?!

I’ll use a scene from my favourite film to symbolise change and to end it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PeyiU3uWJ8

iMa be cool

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