My 2nd Post: Change, how will you handle it?

Right… So, I was just talking to a friend on the phone about change. Who was the friend?! Well, in fact, 2 friends I have spoken to in 2 days about change: 1 male, 1 female.

The male would love it if I mentioned his name but I won’t because he’s a top toff c^*+ who can’t beat me up anyway.

The female is so hipster she’s beyond needing recognition so this not-so understated sentence shall suffice.

[I also choose to respect their anonymity because i’m basically a doctor and I think its status quo that I value their privacy; nonetheless, I’ll share a little to spice up the story like the sort of GP you’d defo invite over to your #sopretsoirée… He’s had glass of red its getting juicy by the snack bar type ;)]

Exhibit 1 — The Pink Elephant

To keep in theme with my previous post, if you read it (please read it *_*), you will know its always best never to start at the beginning. Therefore, to begin, the second of the pair is moving house sometime between this moment, now, and the very distant future. We are on the phone and she is telling me about her anxiety over the move ETC… (I deliberately capitalised ETC because JUST it was difficult not to let my mind wander and drift back into the moments when she was using her mouth in more imaginative, blissful ways (#madtongueskills) but, I am a good friend so I steer my thoughts back to being an attentive ear.

I said all the usual cliché quotes like, “change is change you know don’t fret over the little things…” bla de bla de bla (that’s fun to say) but you know there’s that pink elephant in the room begging to blow that fat old trunk and say things like:



“Who’s going to do your washing now..?”

“This could be the biggest mistake of your life”

“look in the mirror, this change is your fault…”

*DISCLAIMER* None of the above apply to the person a part from maybe the third one, from what I gathered on the phone, and definitely the last one

Alas, they’re all applicable to all of us. Sometimes change is just pretty awful, especially the type you don’t want to happen; i.e. break ups — *HANDS DOWN* wins The Biggest Douché award for change, perhaps closely ran by death but I mean who wants to invite death to the party I’m not even going to type it a third time…


Impromptu poem in the middle of this, ‘cos change happens…

Sometimes, it comes out of the blue…

And its all because of you…

You’re a useless prick!

Worse than a candle without a wick!

But it can’t end this way…

Live to die another day,

that’s what they say,

so some of us pray

and others will just lay, lay, & lay…

wishing it will all go aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaway! (stupid thing Medium won’t let me put a space, this is what you get when you commit with no grace period — surpises, meh.)

But it won’t

and it don’t,

So… how should we deal with this dilemma?

I guess its best to go to the stem-Ma?

You could ask your mum I suppose…

Or put something up your nose til your mind blows — and pops out

*an idea*

perhaps, it could be solved with some likes of your pout, or

*by having no fear*

I’m sure that’s what your Mumma would say:


We’re all lambs for the slaughter,

so have no fear,

of whats coming far… Or near,

For sometimes in life, we must roll the dice

play the blind mice,

and hope it turns out nice…”

If not, it will just be extra spice in your ever diversifying dish,

You don’t always catch when you fish…

But you’ve got to keep fishing ‘cos if not you’ll starve —

and there’s nothing more boring than a Marv-in gayE with




Once again, I deliberately capitalised the ‘e’ on Gaye there because you wouldn’t really be living if you had no Episodes. I know #sopret. Your life would just be GAY without them… What effed-up anecdotes you going to share, or have experience of, to help your children? Or their children? Or their children’s children? There’s no wisdom in a life fearful of mistakes — which i guess has become synonymous with change. They are not! Don’t let your life be:





*DISCLAIMER THE II* I don’t mean to sound derogatory towards actual Gays because sexual pleasure is sexual pleasure… get it how you want/need it… I just mean really LAME (but who’s famous with a name that would have worked instead there?) like the sort of lame Gay the Gays wouldn’t even want to associate with… I just googled: ‘famous gay people’ and this was the first link: couldn’t even find a really lame gay person so well done gay people you’re cool. Think i’m out of this hole. I mean, grave. I mean, potentially offensive field. It’s impossible its like you gays come over here and monopolised all my words taking my benefits or something…

[will have to write a post on sexuality, race, & religion, that will be exciting… Me:]

Exhibit 2 — change does not = mistake

No doubt, sometimes it is wholly representative of one but we’re not talking red wine and fish here. And even then you can mould that mistake if you’re pairing a Burgundian Pinot Noir with a tuna roll OR SOMETHING GEEZAAAA! (realised i’ve spoken a lot about gay people then started spieling on wine, jeez… I googled it, like any respectable man would, because I wanted to use it for the comparison:;

Back to the subject, i’ll talk wining and dining in another post, how do I bring this back to something relevant… Real… hmmm… Yea:

My mate, the first one, he did well at uni; got the 2:1 like a big man but BAM! The real world hit him and he had no job for months… A change with no mistake but he still felt pretty shitty on his doll money having a mid-midlife crisis the c^*+ buying a bloody convertible… Who does that?!

Anyway, he got an amazing internship working as David Cameron’s personal bum boy deep inside his cabinet office somewhere where no-one really knew him and he got to send loads of letters (i didn’t get one hence the foul language aimed in his general direction). Nonetheless, awesome and fantastic experience. 4 weeks later… Change kicked up again and he was back to square one.

The point is, a part from him being a twat, he’s kind of ridden the wave of change fairly well. You just have to let it flow and remember that no matter what happened yesterday, or is happening today, tomorrow is where anythinghappens. And by anything, I mean everything… So, unless your name is Atlas,let that weight go!

But never forget

THE most important thing about change is remembering what it is, what it does and, therefore, how to handle it. It is always best and never a bad thing to be thankful — so, if one door closes be sure to give it a good wave goodbye before you welcome the next one with open arms.

(Flowers, alcohol, and food = the holy trinity of thankfulness.)

I don’t really know what else to say without going OTT on the preach-mobile…

WE all suffer change everyday, even if it means its because you don’t have a direct route home, or the driver in front is really slow, or the one behind too fast, or your socks don’t match so you need to swap, or you have too much change in your wallet/purse and you’re trying to count out the pennies for your meal deal during lunchtime rush hour in tesco, or your crew for the last 3/4 years is now not going to be localised within a 5 mile radius but will extend from Plymouth to Birmingham like a tangled controller wire or something… Its kind of heartbreaking. Change will always sometimes be that way…

But how will you handle it mother£$%&?!

I’ll use a scene from my favourite film to symbolise change and to end it

iMa be cool


My First Post: Pushing the Path

Ok, this is my first ever post. One of those things I’ve been wanting to do since forever and just never bothered; mainly because I was being lazy, I feared no-one would read it, it would be plain embarrassing, and I couldn’t find a blog site I liked.

I realise now, that’s a lie I always knew, that the first 3 of those reasons are a complete waste of time and energy; as for the 4th, it was easily solved with a simple google search which subsequently provided me with this post: — which I read, absorbed, then pretty much made my decision based upon it and the fact that the symbol for this site is an M… My name is Mason, I like Ms, I figured if I was to be a blogging sensation then this site fitted me like a well worn glove.

Now cue the philosophical monologue about how i’ve turned my life around blaaaa… Fact is, I haven’t turned my life around so I won’t and I can’t preach to you or anyone on what they should do with theirs…

All I wish to do is share with you my journey. I don’t intend to make this a pretentious (#pret) post or blog about making major life decisions, about going out there and following your heart & making dreams come true and all that corny movie crap we’ve all heard a thousand times before. If anything, this is an entirely selfish endeavour — a public diary — satisfying my psychological egoism and perhaps, if I were to wield such an influence, effect yours in some way too.

So, where to begin?! That’s the hardest part of anything I think…

Being born is a struggle, learning to ride your bike, to swim, to dance (who doesn’t struggle to coordinate their limbs once you succumb to the drunken devil on your shoulder whispering “you’re Patrick Swayze, get dutty” — more like Ricky Gervais’ Derrick Sway-zeesh) to date (how long is the beginning like here’s a catalogue of all my favourite films you need to watch to be able to get half my jokes and if you don’t like them a part of me will like you less, same too with music…), to sex (cumming within 2 seconds and knowing you will have to do that at least a hundred more times for you even come close to feeling like you’re a Porn* or to actually talk to your mates, and perhaps other persons, confidently about sex) and the list goes on and on and on, writing essays etc. Its boring me now but I hope you, your friends, and your friends’ friends get the point.


The initial push will often be back breaking from the mental, or physical, inertia you’ve created over the subject matter in hand.

Thus, bearing this in mind, I used the force. Literally. I’m going to start at the end, probably more like the middle, but anywhere but the beginning. (if you don’t get that reference you deserve a telekinetic choking. Especially if it happened again just then. I like asphyxiating.)

What helped me take this first teeny weeny baby step towards becoming a global phenomenon (i find that word impossible to say) was this post:; then a little bit this one too but the last one already had me on it, this was like the metaphoric cherry on my mind’s cake:

Oh and in case you or anyone was interested, the former post there asks you to immediately, at that moment, write down your 10 biggest fears; when you’re in a rush to do that quickly its kind of surprising what you might write… These were mine:

  1. disappointing those that believed in me
  2. regretting
  3. not making a song
  4. not making a film
  5. not looking after my family (i have no children just in case some girl’s heart dropped out there, my seed is still available… but like not needy available i’m not desperate… I mean… I’m not a giggolo either [unless you are offering good money i may consider expanding my services for] I’m cool take it or leave it but I still care? Right? Whatever, you didn’t even get the Star Wars reference)
  6. Being unsuccessful
  7. Not learning
  8. Not growing
  9. Not being recognised
  10. Not living the dream

Looking back at them now, 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, + 10 = the next number is? They could all be answered by 3 & 4.

Although I am unable to post a video of me doing a song right now or a track that I made etc… One because you can’t just buy Cubase and expect to be able to start making music, which killed me when I found out… I thought it would be like when you had one of those phones you could create your own ringtone on! Two, I don’t have the equipment yet but Three, its all in the pipeline and will become more clear as this blog progresses… I will post something displaying what I hope is talent, even though the rhythm and structure has obviously been based and taken from this:

I thought it only fitting that my first remix or whatever would be of the tune I first knew how to rap and I guess, as cheesy as it sounds, started my passion and, although i’m not from the Bronx (I know, Brooklyn), defined my life/dream too, albeit from my own perspective…

Not Juicy


Yeah, this album is dedicated

To all the teachers that told me I’d amount to something

To all the people that lived around me that never saw me hustling and if they did

Never called the police on me

When I was just trying to spend my money in greed & torture

And all the likeminded people in the struggle

You know what im saying

Its all bad baby baby

[verse 1]

I used to dream

That I’d read Word Up magazine

But Salt ‘n’ Pepa and Heavy D kind of sounds obscene

Hangin’ pictures on my wall

Every Saturday no text back, Mr. Tragic, they never call

I let my face rock ‘til my face popped

Smoking weed in my room, wanking in a sock

Way back, when I had the blue and white slumber sack

With the cap to match

Remember playing Nuke? Na-na-na-na

You never thought I’d drop and try to take a car

Now I’m in the limelight cos my crime sight

Time to get paid, blow up like the World Trade,

Born sinner, the composite of a winner

Remember when I used to eat at Jardin’s for dinner

Peace to DJ, Hady T, Vince CT

Bunkfaster sex, Cloverhug Car-key

I’m blowing up like you thought I wouldn’t

Call the crib, new number new hood

Its not been good

And if you don’t know, now you know, go figure

[verse 2]

I’m still the same I’m a common thief

Up close and personal with toilet bleach

And I’m close to cheap, I drink crunk and ill split it 5 ways

Spread cost, it’s the broke boy way

The Moet and Alize keep me pissy

Girls didnt diss me

Now they bed wetters cause they kiss me

I never thought it could happen, this rapping stuff

I was too used to passing sats and stuff

Now honeys play me close like nutters make me toast

From my first hickey til I made it to the coast

Condoms in teens, in love for weeks

Sold out beats to hear bigger men speak

Living life without fear

Cutting dive tarots no money for my beers

Lunches, brunches, I got my tokens from school

Considered a fool cause I flopped out my tiny tool

Stereotypes of a white boy understood

And it’s not all good

Uh… and if you don’t know, now you know, go figure

[verse 3]

Super pretend tho, mega missing bliss

When I was dead broke, man I still picture this

50-inch screen, money green leather sofa

Got no rides, a tangerine and a loafer

Phone bill about two months late

No need to worry, bailiffs don’t come to the estate

And my whole crew is scrounging

Escaping every day, back to public housing

Thinking back on that same old shack

I moved out because it stinks I don’t want that back

And I love to show off, of course

Smile every time I dream of being endorsed

I used to fuss when I missed the bus

Dead beat, thunder’s why Christmas missed us

Birthdays were the worst days

Now we sip for the pain from the curse-says

Uh, damn right I hate the life I live

Cause its bent but im tryin’ to make it positive

And it’s all…

Dependant on how I/you decide to push my/your path

My First Poems: A 9-year-old Perspective, or is it?

Although we’re alone

Although I’m quite alone

I feel something

As I look up to the throne

I feel something

It’s said to have been there since existence

But how can you tell from this            distance?

It glows ominously in the murk

Lookin’ for those who creep and lurk

Fright or delight

One just might

Wish for it to disappear

Perhaps behind a cloud, or something more profound but

One thing I know for sure

For millions of years, or more

(Or less as tales may suggest)

It’s caused the sea to wash the shore

No amount of clouds can stop that

Even if she throws in her hat

Because she has had far too much

All she can do is huff and such

Cos until old man time calls an end

Its gonna drive her round the bend

Backwards and forwards on and


I feel something

And it is now that I know what it is

It’s that almighty push and pull of his

My first pair of glasses

I got HD vision

I’m not sure if it’s any clearer

I can see with clear division

Not the same as coming nearer

Now I can stand far back

Sit quietly and plan my attack

Cos now I’ve got contrasting colours

Can see every type of hair

Oi you! Don’t stare, glare, bear


People don’t look back

Never learn

Instead lost in thought

Distraught in happiness

We’re all the same

That thoughts insane

As we must be individual and stand                            apart

Too many close hearts could cause a fire

Keep stuck in thoughts of desire, aspire

Liar      Lost

And you had thoughts it all had worth

A cost

Only to find that yours and mine

It doesn’t cost a dime

Dine on our deceit

For I hope next time we meet

We remember the colour of our souls

Sorry but you’re not allowed

“Sorry you cannot text to numbers beginning with 08 (+448). This is an invalid number range.”

There’s only so far you’re allowed to reach

Before you are apparently in breach

Of the air that is space and time

You have to walk that crooked line

Before you’re allowed to have what’s mine

And they say I’m the criminal or the devious


I always said it was a bit of fun

But as with things fun has an end

Before it hits your head to bend

It’s true that some things straight are better bent

Like poles in a tent

It’s at the top where the 5 poles meet

That you can see the deceit

Of the people below

Life is best spent slow

With time to think and time to grow

So that then you would know

It’s about time we sharpened our bows

For uniform means to conform

To be a Robin Hood you must know he’s good

An empty bowl

I don’t expect to live too long or too nice

I’m just lookin’ for some spice

That’s why I’ll stand here and throw my dice

Cos’ one might just be a double

And that will end all my trouble

Get me someone who would cuddle

Me all night

Keep me from fright

And be my delight

Perhaps that’s far too much

Life never seems to be as such

And if it is it’s just for a while

That you’re allowed to spine down that spiral

Down the rabbit hole

It’s like spinning in a bowl

It always gets emptied eventually

No matter how heavenly or beautiful the bowl

Without what’s in it there’s nothing left

It’s purpose has itself come deft

Perhaps that’s why it might be best living left, rather than right?

One in Twelve

Everyone is one of twelve

What if you met your one every twelve years?

The one who could save you from the tears

And all your fears evaporate

Bottled up

Life’s so abrupt

I feel one day I may erupt

Out and put myself out

And probably just get a clout

Or called a snout

What if then you messed up your one in twelve?

To quick to delve

Deep down into their heart?

Cos you was too fast to start?

Does a clock come with love?

Does it last as long as the doves released?

If so I hope to cease

And put a crease

In the line that is time

Because I want you to be mine

For forever

Not never because I arrived too soon

Pressure of time

Sorry I didn’t look at my phone

Please don’t moan: it’s set in another time zone

I was busy rappin’ to Ella: watch out for that fella

Works not going so well

But I think I’ll be swell

I wanna scream and yell or have a story to tell

But I’m stuck here on my bed

Thinkin’ bout stuff in my head: I wanna lead but I’m being led

But I guess that’s ok for now: it won’t last forever

Just like the weather

Up I’m gonna blow, I’m not slow

I’m gonna get down low and make a show

You and Me

I know you check your phone

More than a dog with a bone

So why not reply?

Rather than lie?

And make an excuse

I’m getting’ tied with a noose

Cos I like you so much

But not just to touch

Cos it’s the way that you smile

Why I wait for a while

Waitin’ for your vibrate

To come and elate

This lead balloon

Right up to the moon

Cos you’re never too soon

So remember that next time I text you

I’m not just some guy who wants sex with you

You be my Bonnie and I’ll be your Clyde

Cos when we’re together there’s no need to hide

Come to mine or me to yours

Doin’ it for you is no chore